bluefrenchorn

maybe you dont think about what you’ll be missing of my life because youre so overwhelmed about what you’ll be missing in yours. i cant believe this is happening. im in total disbelief. i wake up to this every day of my life, yet today it’s been hard to believe. why am i crying? why am i sad? what is this horrible sinking feeling of impending doom? it’s this. this is everything. this fills each day. each possible moment, and then the moments of regret for having a good time. 

this seems so horribly unreal. i cant write to you because i keep coming back here. it’s so much easier to write letters to you that you may never get. this sucks. i can’t even breathe this sucks so bad. 

what am i thinking starting a new job. i cant even keep it together long enough to get to the one i have now. what am i thinking that it’d be a good thing for others not to know what im going thru. as if i can pull off a day without crumbling. i can’t do this. i cant do this. thats all i kept thinking today. i cant do this.

and the thing is that i can step away. i can stop thinking about this for moments at a time. where you really can’t. i cant fucking believe this! i can.t i cant. i can.t